Wow, what can I say. The last year has really been one of the most interesting and possibly disappointing ever. Life is good as they say, live in a great place, have a great house, great dog (and cats), great girl, good friends, good jobs and the list can go on and on. There is something powerful in my life that just looks down on me, frowns on my life. It seems that no matter how good things are for me, it just isn’t enough. Over the course of the last year I have smiled, laughed, cried with the best of the them. The highest of highs in life and the lowest of lows. From injurys to deaths. This is the stuff that makes a human grow, that should make me grow but I feel as though there is no trust, there is no compassion and in the end I am alone – alone to deal with the heartache, the disappointment and finally the rejection. It is hard being feeling the way I feel right now, so hard. It seems that just one month ago I felt polar opposite and for some reason, some force, some demon has once again stepped in and squashed all that was good and for god sake took it all away again.

I start a new job in one week, one where I thought I would enter the doors of this new place excited and positive. I was told once not long ago that I needed to stay positive, positive about everything and I did that day forward and so much good shit happened to me in a short period of time. Now, there is no positive, there is no forward. I will enter those halls and I feel dirty, I feel empty and mostly I feel alone. Alone should be a 4 letter word.

I never thought I would be here. Empty once again.

Thanks for listening internet.